ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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