HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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