if you like me you must not know who I am
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
