I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you win again, gameday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
