Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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