So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
