I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
