Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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