Me. At least after what I've been through.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
