I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize