i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
