He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
