I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
