she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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