Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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