yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
