Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
