I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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