I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
