I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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