you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
