Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
