No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish you could order shots online.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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