I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
