He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we made out on top of his cat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
