I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
