why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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