he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
