how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
