he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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