DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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