I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
