I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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