I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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