I'm gonna have a badass scar
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
