Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
