If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
