I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
