Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
