I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
