i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
