I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
