so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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