Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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