last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
