I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize