I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
