I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
