I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
