at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
