I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
