do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
