And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
