Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
