My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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