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he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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