I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
