If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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