somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
