She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I could fuck to npr.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
