Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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