New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
