There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
