Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
