I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize