i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
