So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
