So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
