shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
