I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
