his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize