Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
