you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's like iHOP with fire
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
