If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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