and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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