I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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