her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize