I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize