I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize