please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
