Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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