I cockslap morals
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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