When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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