This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
