im holly from the hills drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
