Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
