now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
