I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
