Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize