i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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