He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
