barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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