Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
