sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
